Fetish and Fantasy: Drawing the Line With Sexual Freedom and Consent

I’m very open minded about fetish and fantasy, but does that mean anything goes?


I believe in something I call sexual freedom.

Sexual freedom is the ability to decide if and when, where, with whom, how, and why to be sexual. By virtue of this definition, you can do anything you want, so long as it doesn’t infringe on anyone else’s ability to express their sexuality. i.e., as long as your partner says yes.

I advocate people’s ability to be sexual however they feel suits them. So long as they’re not hurting themselves or anybody else. The latter is, of course, open to interpretation. Some might see BDSM practices like spanking, cock and ball torture, or electrical play to be “hurting self and other.” There are grey areas – 50 shades actually, right?

But rape, molestation, childhood prostitution, and elder abuse are not – and cannot by definition – be a free expression of sexuality. They are not consensual.

Its not uncommon for women to fantasize about rape. But that does not mean they want to be raped. Some men fantasize about being eaten alive by a beautiful woman. But they do not literally want to be killed for their meat.

Fantasies hurt no one. In your fantasies, you are free to try any and every form of sex with no consequence. Fantasies do not create victims.

There is space between our fantasy – between our thoughts and feelings – and our behavior. We don’t act on every urge to grab a chocolate bar, and nor do we act on every ounce of sexual arousal either. Its fine if you’re turned on by the “darker” side of sexuality. Its actually pretty normal.

But acting on it – taking away someone else’s freedom to be sexual on their terms – is not cool. Not ever.
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